Unrelenting Faith: Choosing Healing Over Surviving
The month of May has been a rediscovery. London taught me the importance of taking care of my mental health as I felt like a heavy weight was on my chest, watched anxiety creep in at sunset, and my thoughts raced every morning. Finally, one night, while my stomach turned like the spin cycle on a washing machine and my breath quickened, I decided to Google stomach pain and anxiety. I learned that my body was in fight or flight mode, and my nervous system was giving me the warning signs. While London had its share of great moments, it also had its not-so-great times. There were many moments when walking outside and taking deep breaths were a requirement because I felt like I was losing my mind. I can remember during my second month, the air in my apartment began to feel thin. I thought I needed some air, but as I walked to the window to open it, I felt lightheaded, and my heart began to race. Immediately, I knew I needed more than to open a window, and the feeling started to intensify into panic. I left the apartment and went outside. That is where I found a park. As God would have it, the swans were out, and the sun was setting. The cold air blew on my face as I took deep breaths of calm. I felt lonely, worried, and sometimes even fearful. Wondering if my choice was made out of obedience and alignment with God. A valuable lesson I learned during that time was that fear was riding me like a champion bull rider. I was not in danger. I was not lonely. God was with me. He was comforting me. My focus was on all the things I lacked.
To quiet the noise and get my mental and physical health back on track, I began meditating in the morning and practicing yin yoga before bed daily. As days turned into weeks, 7-minute meditations evolved into 30-minute meditations, bringing clarity and peace of mind as I navigated my days. My stomach was still in shambles, but I was getting better quality sleep. I returned to the healing practices I'd abandoned and committed to them. I am 84 days and counting into my practices. As my practice grew stronger, I began to attract new people into my sphere, which was exciting. I enjoyed many dinners with interesting people during my last few weeks in the beautiful British city. However, I was making a pivot to Spain, and I could feel it was going to be a great decision.
A few weeks later, it was time to leave London. Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, at 6:30 am on May 1st, I hopped on a flight to Spain, nerves in a bunch. As I lie here, I am still thankful to God for the green light to be here. When I landed in Spain, I instantly felt the weight fall from my chest. I walked into my Airbnb and was elated when I saw the ocean view. It was as if the external beauty was finally matching something that was shifting internally—a readiness to receive healing instead of just surviving it. God is moving me forward in alignment and allowing me to continue my healing journey in love, peace, and joy.
As I heal, I realize that I am my priority. Being a present, loving mother, daughter, sister, and friend doesn't just happen because I have breath in my lungs. It takes consciousness. Heart healing requires me to slow down. To take time to journal in the sun on my terrace, while drinking Evian water. It involves compassion to come to peace with the feeling of disappointment after a divorce and multiple failed relationships. Healing requires me to dispel the stories and fill them with truth. Healing is understanding that my voice is safe and I can listen to it without regret. Even if I make a choice that feels like the wrong decision, I can move forward in alignment, trusting that everything is working out for me. It is understanding my needs, gently loving myself, and appreciating the love I receive. Healing is understanding that love, peace, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control are a part of my makeup, and I attract them everywhere I go. I am a light shining on a cloudy day.
Heart-centered living requires me to honor my energy as sacred and prioritize my joy. I'm learning to notice when conversations, environments, or even my thoughts move me from peace to anxiety. I permit myself to follow joy and the beauty of life. Something I have not done. I practice asking, "What lights me up?" Then, I follow it with joy and delight. This small practice has given me the energy I needed, and I am finally getting things off my list that have been there for years. I've started a YouTube channel as a visual diary of my transition, am building my coaching services, and have more updates to come. This journey of following joy is opening doors I never expected. Stay tuned, my loves - you'll be the first to know what unfolds next. Until next week.
I'd love to hear from you - what's one small thing that lights you up that you could follow this week? Drop a comment, and let's celebrate the tiny steps toward joy together.
Love, Charlene